Sorry it's been so long since I've last updated, I guess I'd just been pretty busy with things. I've been working a lot of hours at OfficeMax, and it seems like every day I help babysit the kids. I love helping babysit them, but sometimes it just gets really ridiculous. Not even 19 yet. I'm not meant to change poopy diapers or feed 3 mouths I like being an uncle. Sometimes it feels like I'm doing more than an uncle supposed to be doing.
So I got the mission papers all filled out and turned in, Bishop's interview out of the way, and on Sunday I met with the stake president. It should be all set to go to get the Melchizedek priesthood pretty soon now. I think Pres. Cryer has turned in the papers to Salt Lake. So now all I have to do is wait, and continue to prepare. I can't wait to get out there and be working helping people for greater reasons than just my own benefit. I can't wait to wake up in the morning and know that I'm going to be serving the Lord. And that my whole day will not be about myself. I can't wait to go somewhere new, try new things, meet new people and just not have to deal with the drama of the life as an 18-year-old kid working at OfficeMax. Not going to college brings. You wouldn't think if my whole life is poopy diapers and OfficeMax that I could be overwhelmed with drama, or even feel slightly stressed... but sometimes it's just so crazy that you don't know if you can take this kind of life anymore. I'm just so ready for a change. I remember when Tim and Matt went on their missions. I was about 11 or 12 at the time and looking at my older brothers, they seemed at least more grown-up than I feel right now to me on still just an 18-year-old kid going on 19. I want to help people who want to be part of something. I just don't know how ready I am. I have a testimony, and I pray, but even with free time. I can't seem to make time for reading my Scriptures or studying the "Preach My Gospel" book I guess it's one of those things that I need to work on.
I feel trapped in something that is pretty much the same thing every day help babysit, and I drive to work, and as I'm driving I see all these people that have places to go things to do but always seem like they're in such a rush to get somewhere or do something. It really agitates me to have reckless drivers on the road just to get ahead 30 seconds. Wow! Good Freaking Job! Way to Just about Killed Me to Get Ahead 30 Freaking Seconds! And then I get to work and I have new goals in front of me, things I'm supposed to be doing that day. But yet, the day is always the same. I sell stuff. I make people buy stuff. I straighten stuff. Put stuff up and take stuff down. And even though my performance is better than most, I still feel like I'm not doing enough. Sometimes I get customers that come to me with a real problem. And I am able to get them exactly what they need, figure out exactly the solution for their problem and just for a moment seen the smile on their face get to feel like my job is truly worth something.
I know that sounds kind of retarded, but that's really how I feel. That's how I was raised, was to help people. I've always been helping people, and yeah there's times where Nathan needs to help himself, but most of the time, okay well some of the time, I am only truly happy when I am helping someone else. When I realize that there is nothing I can do to help someone, I think a little part of me brakes.
This is where I think my day today interactions come into play. I see homeless people on the side of the street, I hope customers that have no money, children who are given $.50 not enough money to buy a binder so that they can have it at school, teachers who have to spend their own money because they're not getting enough from the state from the government. A few friends, I see family, and coworkers, ... and all the little problems that they have, with each other, with the world, with whatever situation they are in. And often times it pains me to see them argue, to see them struggle, to see their good intentions, to see that we are all sons and daughters, Children of God. But there's still not a whole lot that I can do to help them.
I want to help people be better.
I want to help people help each other to be better.
I want to help myself be better.
What happened to doing our best to do our duty to God and our country?
Good. Better. Best.
I want to do my best to help each other do their best.
Not always easy to accomplish a certain goal. But it's not our duty to accomplish the goal start duty to do our best.
God commanded the man to go out every day and push upon a big rock.
Every day for many years the man pushed on the rock. And never moved it. Many years later seeing that all his pushing never amounted to the rock moving, he cried unto the Lord and was discouraged because he couldn't move the rock, disappointed in himself that he wasn't able to do something.
And the Lord told him, look upon thyself how strong you have become in all these many years still pushing on the rock so faithfully. Thou hast done well.
And the man answered that he still felt awful he couldn't move the rock.
But the Lord told him, I never commanded that you should move the rock, just that you should push.
The man was never able to move the rock, but according to his faith he did his best to fulfill the commandment and pushed on the rock.
Do your duty that is best, and to God leave the rest.
It is that simple.
The economy will not change overnight. And situations will not change overnight.
But. They. Will.
Just have faith.
Now. Go, and SMILE!
